yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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