Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
