Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
