Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
