My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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