rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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