why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
