my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
