i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
