The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
