i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
