It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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