omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
