i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
