Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
