My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
