She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
