Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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