now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
