Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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