Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
