Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
