i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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