I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
