Plan B is the new Plan A
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
