I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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