Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
