OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My cat gives me a boner
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
