Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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