It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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