I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
