Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
