Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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