Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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