yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
