I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am available for nakedness
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
