It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
bring money and cleavage
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
