never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
