I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize