What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
