It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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