The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
