I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
