I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
