Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

He disabled his match.com account in front of me

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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(253): View more from Washington

oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

(1-253): View more from Washington

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

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(514): View more from Quebec

You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.

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(206): View more from Washington

I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.

(425): View more from Washington

.... touche....

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(404): View more from Georgia

That man makes my giblets tingle

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Congrats? I think?

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