dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
