life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
