Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
