I got chris browned last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
