apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
