Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
