Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
