yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
