The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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