Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
