Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
