I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
