This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
