We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
