..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
