I molested 6 butterflies tonight
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize