Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
