Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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