what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize