Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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