My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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