Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
