Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
