Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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