I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
