I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
