i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
