She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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