So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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