sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
